Parents: Setting a Limits is a Gift!

In my experience, nearly every time I set a limit with Jack (4 years old), or Owen (2 years old), they get upset and express it. I have been seeing the limit as the cause of the upset! I have been thinking that what I am doing is in some way responsible for the emotions that start flying after the limit is set and enforced. I am dead wrong. What I have come to realize through reading and understanding how the human brain works is that the limit is not the cause at all. I'm so relieved!

Children who have unexpressed emotion(s) or are feeling disconnected in some way, end up with "broken thinking." They then start doing things that we like to call "acting out." Usually the result is a limit needing to be set to stop the inappropriate behavior.

So, here is the twist. "Broken thinking" and "acting out" are really a sign. The child is desperately looking for a place to express the feelings that are trapped inside them. And in many ways, the child ends up looking to us (parents) to create a safe space to express those feelings through the setting of a limit. Once the limit is set and enforced, then all those emotions come pouring out. The emotions probably don't even have much to do with the limit. They are more likely pent up emotions from something / somewhere else.

Once the emotions are expressed the child is then able to reconnect and think clearly. Wow! You mean that the limits I set are actually a gift? They give Jack and Owen an outlet for emotions that once released allow them to reconnect?

Have you ever resisted setting a limit knowing that emotions would start to come out once you did? Click on "Comment" below and share your thoughts & strategies.